Merry Christmas Beaches.

Get it? Get it? =))

Well. Coz' its Christmas and I just got home from Bohol last night! Hahahaha.

Shet ang corny.

ANYWAY. As usual, Christmas eve and day was awesome. It was a lot better coz last year, I had my face mask on. This year, I got to eat and dance and dance and eat and eat and eaaaaaaaaaat! :D Then, I think this was the only year we had a morning family prayer and the first and hopefully not last year my Dad came early. YEEEEEEEEEEEEYS! I slept for more than half the day though. That's me alright. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, yeah. Same same. No Miguels for the Dans Family. We were late for both the eve and the dinner. And oh. This was the first Christmas we attended some play about the birth of Jesus and my brother had to play Joseph. Didn't really suck for him. HAHAHAHA. >:))

BOHOL WAS GREAT. The beach + cousins + snorkling + tour + NERTS. Yeah. It was GREAT.

Notice how lazy I am? Well that's coz I made this entry just for the sake of remembering how Christmas was this year. Hahaha. Zoom zoom.

Next entry: NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS BEYBI. 8D

back.

So. Who would've thought? I'm back where I started.

That's how life got to me this year. The year that I thought my life would be closer to where I wanted it to go. Closer to my dreams, my goals. Where am I now? I'm in this place where all I could see is.... My room filled with useless stuff like three piggy banks. I'm back here. THE REAL WORLD. The world where I stop acting as if I'm so ready to face everything.

This is what I would love to write here: "As I write this entry, I tell myself that I am ready. I'm okay. I'M A NEW PERSON." But no. I'm not. I'm not ready, or okay, and I am absolutely NOT A NEW PERSON. Not today... I'm guessing not soon. I'm still that same old girl who always dreamt of a perfect family with the perfect husband and children. Perfect home, and job, and... EVERYTHING. All this, I planned with someone. Someone was the perfect guy. He was smart, and funny, and really really sweet. He topped departmental exams, he dresses up as a spartan, and he buys me kitkat just because he feels like it. But like any other person, Someone has his weaknesses and Someone makes mistakes. I had my fair share of these, and he did too. THAT was the problem and.... THAT was the end of it.

Things I realized after the -END-?
- I've been neglecting so many people in my life, I even forgot they existed
- I can actually pay for my own food ONLY most of the time
- I can save up to P400 a week
- I missed my family
- CD is actually the place to be <3

- A lot of people need me

- I need other people

- I can wear whatever I want to whenever I want to

- I can paint my nails black!

- Madaming hot guys sa paligid ko

- GOD LOVES ME MUCH MORE THAN ANYBODY ELSE DOES

LOL. Labo. Just trying to say that taking another step back doesn't really mean its not good for me. It actually is. I kept on forcing myself to believe in change and happy endings and fate and LOVE. I did. But I only believed in it specifically for him. Pwede naman ang lahat ng yan sa ibang tao o bagay. I live for others. But others doesn't only apply to one person. It applies to any face I see every single day. And these faces? Uh-huh. GOD. That's who I missed and neglected this whole year. They all say you're 18th year is always the best so make the most out of it. HAH. Who says there's a specific year for THE BEST?? Di na uso yan! All I know is, my 18th year didn't suck. I hated it and I loved it. I loved it for the reason that at the end of that year, I know who and what really matters (wether i'm in love or i'm out of it).

CHOS. :))

girl meets boy

boy loves girl

girl loves boy

boy meets other girl

- END -

YAMCHA.

NABABALIW NA KO.

thanks for your birthday treat zack.

just like them.

Tonight, I browse through people's sites and read about their insanely inlove hearts.

The feeling of finding heaven's comfort in the arms of their significant other. I, too, want to feel that way. The feeling of ultimate happiness. But something I am not about to deny right now, is that I'm losing the touch of "unexplainable joy". In my long journey to search for this perfect moment, I can still say, I haven't found it yet. I wish I was like them. Ready to say everything, anytime, anywhere. Proud to be her. The one he's proud to have. It's just that somewhere inside of me, it's still not time. Not time to express that I would/could do things beyond my capacity for him. Knowing that somewhere deep inside this good, sweet, and loyal man, he's someone who's afraid to tell me that I'm the last one on his list just because I never said he was the last on mine.

Yesterday, the 18th day of July, I brought him to mass, also to a dinner with my family and friends. and before the night ends, I get a straight face, no hand contact, a goodnight, no "don't stay up too late" message, a sentence that signified "let's not do this EVER again", and no sign of the three words i always loved to hear or read before i closed my eyes at night.

I feel disgusting and embarassed, but I asked for this. He doesn't belong to me OR my family. He belongs to himself. I feel sorry for him for treating me this way. But most of all, I'm sorry for myself. Sorry that I might just let things be because I'm tired of running after a promise I don't think he'll keep.

"I long to tell you how much I need you.
If I can find the words to say,
I never have to feel this way."
-Anna, Apo Hiking Society

the inevitable.

TRANSORMERS 2 = HONGGONDO GONDO NOMOOOOOOON. @_@


"You deserve a night where worries don't get in the way of anything.
A night where, even if some people are
insensitive or unkind, you're not going to mind them.
Because the blessings in your life are far, far better than the burdens."
-Bec 2:41am

Spider Solitaire.

I kissed the commitment goodbye.

I, *state name*, believed it was for the best. But all it ever gave me was... Reason to put myself in state of paranoia. Of course! Why didn't I ever think of that? Naturally, without the commitment, he would have all the right to live his oh-so-free life. And I for one, have that right too. Which in fact, has its positive side. Wether he or anybody else belives it or not, I've been trying my best for him to forget about his right to look at others girls' asses.

June 18 was my day. Besides the fact that a whole lot of people greeted me on facebook, believing that it was really my birthday, he made it so special, that my walang-kwenta words wouldn't be able to explain it. So mabasa mo man to or not, I LOVE YOU (even without the gifts). <3>

MY MOMMA'S HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME
FROM EUROOOOOOOOOOPPPPEEEE :D
man, i missed her. <3



"Shut up and put your money where your mouth is
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas."
-Waking up in Vegas, Katy Perry

BULAGA, random.

Expect RANDOM before reading.....

I'M ALIVE, fortunately. After everything I've gone through this summer. Talk about "pasan mo ang daigdig". :)) No. Actually, my life's kind of amazing that way. The bigger the load i carry, the better life gets. (ilang beses ko na yan pinagdukdukan sa sarili ko, btw)

You can definitely tell from the time span of my posts.... SABOG NA KO. as in sobrang sabog. sabog kung sabog.

Summer Computation:
50% - PETA Summer Workshop
20% - Scanning Dans' pictures
10% - Self-pitying
20% - Others.... (family, vacations, pig days)

Yan na yung overview ko. The self-pitying part is mostly the whole process where I lost commitment. The before, during, and to come, THE AFTER. Which right now, is a decision I am about to regret. I THINK. For more details: visit old blog and refer to the entry of the date scheduled tomorrow, June 18, 2008. Something I'm supposed to be celebrating. :'( Well, life's like that. It gets better, I know.

I'm not really used to the first day of classes without having to kiss and hug my mom goodnight the night before. Pero big girl na ko, and big girls don't cry... Ano daw? :)) Mom's been gone for almost 2 weeks now. And I'm handling it pretty well. eh? eh? :D Except for the part where I'm still heartbreakin'. HAHAHA. ANO BA.


His birthday was a blast. According to him. Masaya daw siya. And oh, he blew his 2nd candle last Sunday. Seryoso. The very 1st time again after his first birthday. HAYUUUUUUUUUUP. Ako na si life changer! Sige na. :)) But seriously speaking, I feel really good doing all those things for him. At kung pano siya magpasalamat.... nothing can beat that. I'm inlove with the things I do for him. <3 Although today, I got pretty harsh words AGAIN... WEH, lilipas din naman yun e. My day was fine until he left. Yung kakitiran ng utak niya, nalipat sa'kin. SASABOG NA UTAK KO KAKAISIP. Lech kasi si ano e. Cute ka pa naman. Wag mo lang siya i-entertain, cute ka forever.

Besides the fact that I'm reeeeaaaaaaaallllllyyyyyyy bothered with the way he's been acting, bothered ako sa CD. As to how it might change my life forever. CD was never part of the plan. Naging "part of the plan" lang siya after SMC. Actually, BACKUP PLAN LANG SIYA. But then, thinking about graduating with this title... It kind of seems wrong. Nag-usap kami ni Paopuff kanina. About how we have no idea with what's going on with the world yet CD kami. No. I meant, yes, we love CD and all. And we love learning about it. But we never came to love learning about politics and the government and..... HAHAHAHA. loser. :)) noooo. seriously. PARANG MALI EH. It just seems so wrong, that there's no way out. Literally, NO WAY. Sayang yung passion ko. At ang hirap pilitin na mahalin ang gobyerno. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. =))

"Is it wrong for me to want you, Just for a day?
I don't want to be that kind of girl, but I just can't help it."
- Girlfriend, Marie Digby

gapang.

explains and defines my whole month of may.

but still, i had this.......

the unmasking.


a summer i won't forget.

you.

i just can't take that away from you, now can i? :'(

think it over. think twice, even thrice.

tomodachi.

i've been scanning for HOURS this week. may rheuma na ko. :[

and while scanning, i came across THIS PICTURE........

Year 1971.

ahknowriiiiiiight? MY MOM IS ADORAAAABBBLLLLEEE.
ababyaboobooabiabuababaaaaaa. :3
no wonder i turned out this adorable too. ^^

SUNDAY: annual easter egg hunt. it was kiiiind of not the same with all those non-relative kids. some of them looked familiar. and some i knew. but there were like 20(?))+ of them running around and hunting for eggs. ALSO, i just need to comment on how UNCHALLENGING it was. wala lang. it was more of easter egg hunt + boozy's birthday party + alexa's mini-concert kind of day. an all-in-one kids day. so na-OP kaming "grown-ups" for short. we just sat there and watched Jared do his moves to be once again, the life of the partey. and this is when i realized how drugging children songs are. no wonder they're all so hyper.

i am pretty amazed on how we handled this week. we both got cut-off by our mom's who oh-so-love-us very much. i understand why it all happened. and i know we didn't take it in very well... but we have to think about it as a blessing. thank God. i guess.

failure.

i have failed too many times for you. so i have finally decided.

i do not disagree that i do make mistakes. because i know i do. i have my own share of slavery of sins. a thousand times worse than my sins a lot of years back. and according to what i know and what i believe in, you are here in my life, and i am in yours because we are the ones who are supposed to be ready to accept each others failures. yes, we correct. but we correct with love. and that's what i love most about us, AT TIMES. like other relationships, we too are not perfect. and i accept that now.

why do i say just now? because i know i've been this girl who took those things i should really love for granted. i made you my god. i was too immature to break myself apart just because of one tiny problem we had to go through. i wanted "us" to be perfect. i wanted to keep that spark last. but how could it if i was too afraid and paranoid about the "falling apart" part. i needed to trust you and i needed to trust what we had. i love you. but i know now who i should put first before you. myself, my family, and God. those people i have failed to notice for months that we've been together. those people that i have failed to see that no matter who i am or what i do, they'd love me more than you do. I'M MORE THAN POSITIVE. you are special to me. but making you my world and my life. depending on you to give me all the happiness i thought i needed... that's just wrong. i love you, and you love me. we just have to accept that. and keep hangin' on. the deaths that we go through, will make us resurrect and trash our old selves out.

OHA. this passover, iba talaga. XD

HAPPY EASTER EVERYBODY.

Christ has risen.

Christ has truly risen.

chocolate mousse.

today, i feel like the exact opposite of how i wanted to start this blog. as of now, i just want to keep it shut. i want to hide everything until i'm ready to smile and laugh and be little miss sunshine all over again.

welcome.

OLA AMIGA. XD