Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Hell weeks turn Holy.

It's been quite a while now. Everything's just been so crazy lately. It's school. Yeah, school. Nothing else. I can't even explain what it did to me. It's like my whole world turned into this huge ball of STRESS. No sleep, no food intake, no social life, no nothing. Or yeah maybe. I kind of gained a few (or maybe more than that) zits.

When I say Hell weeks, I meant that literally. The heat + stress + mood of people around you make it a lot worse. But I'd have to say. You wouldn't know the difference between terrible and great if you haven't experienced both yet. So together with my weeks of doom, I had my awesome moments too.

There's the life changing Paramore Concert.

There's finally being a member of
UP CRAdLe (Children's Rights Advocates League).

And there's being elected as Chairperson of
UP CD Circle (Community Development Circle).

(Together with me the 2 other officers. Haha.)

I feel rather great for not killing myself after all these weeks. I went gaga all over, but hey, I'm still alive and kicking! Tama yung sinasabi nila. That if you just make yourself feel that you're happy, you will be. It worked for me. Although hindi nawala yung nababaliw ka na sa kakaisip because you feel that all your brain cells have vanished into thin air. It's just moments like these that I can finally say.... IT WAS ALL WORTH IT. (I wish. Kasi wala pang grades. Haha.)

So today, it's Maundy Thursday and it's the time I should start reflecting on all the blessings I've received recently. Holy Week never fails to make me feel a lot better. I think it's fate that my hell week ended yesterday. It's time to open up my heart again to that Somebody who's always been there for me.

Nothing more to say. Just maybe want to do a series of thank you's. First to UP Community Development Circle for giving me their trust. Nagulat ako sa results ng votes. Walang nag-abstain. I am stunned. I'm still a bit scared and all that, but I feel that maybe it's me and my organization's time to shine. It's time we prove some people wrong. Second, to UP CRAdLe and Rea for the warm-welcome and encouragement. And Lastly, to my mom and my friends who never stopped helping out. So para akong nagspeech? Feel na feel? Hahahaha! That's it.

My quote for the semester:

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at
you, then they fight you, then you win."

- Gandhi

Thursday, March 11, 2010

The good in goodbye. When did it ever make sense?

My best friend left for Australia way back after high school graduation. I feel we've drifted apart. We still update each other of course. Exchanging of e-mails, facebook updates, etc. But it's never been the same. It's not the same without hanging out after school hours on the school benches or late-nights phone calls that take up hours. She'd admit that too, I'm pretty sure.

And tomorrow, another close friend of mine is leaving. Not for good, but for a pretty long time. Too long for a girl like me who counts on him to make me smile in times of stagnation.

Tomorrow, I'd be sitting beside someone else in class.
I'm happy for him for finally deciding to go. It's not everyday that you'd have to give up something you truly love for something you just feel you had to do, but you weren't so sure about it. I'm glad he made a choice.

Alam kong hate na hate niya ang pagiging mushy at emo ko, but I will just have to say all these. Mamimiss ko siya. Alam niya na yun kasi ilang beses ko na din sinabi sa kanya. Hindi ko siya best friend or boyfriend or anything. Friend. Nothing more, nothing less. That's the beauty of it. Bihira lang ang lalaking ganyan sa buhay ko. Maybe that's why I like being with him so much. Ang nakakatawa, hindi niya ako literal na tinutulungan sa mga problema ko, pero madalas sa kanya parin ako humihingi ng tulong. Wala siyang advice or hug, WALA. Ang palaging pang-lutas niya sa mga problema ko, joke na super corny, pick-up line, katangahan, or sariling kwento niya, hindi sapilitang advice. Syempre minsan nakakagago din kapag sobrang hagulgol ever na ko tas magpapatawa lang siya. Pero nakakatawa parin kahit nakakagago. Hahaha. Madami akong mamimiss for a year. Pick-up lines, FIC bonding, Cello's bonding, doodles during class, never-ending sermons, etc. Di ko din alam what's so special about him, but he's a really good friend that's kind of hard to let go. The boy/man na sobrang totoo, malapit kay Papa God, may paninindigan, matalino.... Mayabang, epal, feeling, chismoso, etc., is someone who makes me glad I got into UP. Kahit palagi niya akong inaaway at nilalait at kahit wala siyang pake minsan, I still love him and I'll miss him and his kulot hair.

Last Saturday we had dinner and when I got home, I realized that I've been so much into not letting him go because I'll miss him and I can't be all smiles without him. I didn't really think about him now did I? I thought about myself. So pano nga naman siya? Now, I can absolutely say that I'm glad he's going and I wish him all the luck. Same goes for my best friend.

It makes sense. We only part to meet again.

Roger, ingat sa Korea.
Mae, I miss you so.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Minsan, I fail at everything.

Sumali org namin sa contest kanina. Tapos may egg catching. Tapos super layo na namin nung partner ko sa isa't-isa. Nung hinagis niya yung egg, tumakbo ako para habulin..... Sinalo ko using my head. LITERAL. Sobrang kadiri kasi ang lagkit ng buhok ko. Pero sa totoo lang, yung mga ganitong experience ang mahirap kalimutan. Hahaha. Ang fun. XD


Well anyway, this will be a pretty short entry. I just wanted to blog out what I feel right now. As in ngayon na ngayon na. As I said sa former entry, I have no self-esteem, no self-confidence. No nothing. So now I shall prove it to you.

I am anxious, bothered, and disturbed about UP CRAdLe's formal interview for us applicants on Monday, about being a possible Chair for CD Circle, about Roger leaving the country, about major failing an exam, etc. FML. :'(

Ayoko na. Pakamatay na ko. /wrist Lol joke. I don't even know if I deserve to watch the concert on the 9th and the 15th anymore.

I am such a joke. Di ko alam kung ano nakikita sakin ng mga tao. Guys, seriously. WALA KAYONG MAPAPALA SA ISANG KATULAD KO. Take it from me.