Wednesday, May 26, 2010

As if.

I've been walking my way to breathing this week. Since after my voice recital last Sunday, I realized this week's the only summer I've got left.... Til' forever. That is, if I won't be able to take my required units this school year. On 2012, I'll be graduating (hopefully), and then I'll be working, which means -- Goodbye forever, summer.

It's just how things are going. At home, with a friend, in school. I feel that I've been doing such a good job lately. But when people like my mom or one of my closest friends tell me that I've been failing so hard as a daughter and a friend, I cry and repeat to myself that "I have to think about their feelings". That's what they teach me in church. But what about what I have to say? What about helping them realize that they also made mistakes? Isn't that my job too? It just doesn't make sense sometimes. So I told myself, I need a break.

Yesterday, I went to a friend's house to have a little chitchat about my life made out of shit. I ended up watching the animated Tarzan movie, playing with her baby brother and sister, and watching her younger brother's game of basketball. My plan of self-pitying was ruined -- In a good way.

Today, I went to visit another friend having her OJT at ABS-CBN. Wasn't too far from home so when she told me she had her 1-hour break, I was betting it was worth it. Seeing her enter the convenience store with her big, fat, kikay smile, I brisk walked my way to her and gave her a big, fat, kikay hug. I don't even remember the last time I saw this woman. I've been longing for that hug for a long while now. Making the most out of the 1-hour of freedom she was given, there was no stopping us. We talked about how much of a blur our lives are today, and how far we're actually going. She was still the same. I asked her what she wanted to eat, she said she wasn't going to. The usual diet she's been going on for years now. There were no pauses. We just talked and talked and laughed about stupid things until the hour was over. When I checked the time, I didn't want to tell her it was time to get back to work, but we both knew it was. After this, another long agony of longing for each other's company. I didn't want that again. But that's just really up to us, yes? She walked me to the cab and told me she missed me a lot. I did too. During the cab ride, I again realized, my self-pity plan once again did not work.... But I felt really good.

Truth is, what I needed wasn't a break. I'm a live human being, I'm not like certain animals that need to hibernate. I was just being selfish. What I need is some optimism. A graduate from our organization I'm not very close to told me last week to "chill". I was getting really depressed because of the lack of participation my co-members had. She said, "The attitude of the members comes from you". That said a lot I guess. The outcome of everything I'm going through would depend on how I take it.

BV. I'm sure I'll be eating my own words even before this day ends. But what the hell! At least may realization diba? Hahaha. :))

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Gumagalaw at Your Service.

Galaw galaw? Oh yes. That's what I've been doing for the past month or so. Hahaha. Nakakatawa yung fact that I think summer was more of a "patikim" as they call it, for my incoming school year 2010-2011. I'm not saying my summer's been hell, I mean, hell in the temperature sense but the stress actually keeps me alive. Kapag wala akong ginagawa, sumasakit ulo ko. Seryoso. :))

Well anyway, since this is my first official entry for the summer, these are some of the things that have kept me alive and kickin':

1. National Youth Day 2010 at Nueva Viscaya wherein I had the benefit of finally visiting the famous Rice Terraces.

2. Graduations. All 3 brothers graduated last month: One from elementary, the other from highschool and the last one from college. I'm a proud sister alright. ;) Pero hindi ba hassle? :)) (Pardon the pictures)

3. My cousin's wedding wherein I babysat her sooper dooper cutie baby for the whole day. Nyorm adorable. :3

4. Brother and Dad's birthdays.

5. Math 2. YES. Nag-take ako ng isang subject for the summer. 11-1pm. Wherein nahheat stroke na ko sa init ng binabyahe ko. But good news: It's my last day tomorrow and I am exempted from finals. Yup, I rule like that. \m/

6. Center for Pop Music summer lessons. Just so those of you who are reading this know, I AM TOTALLY MAKING A FOOL OUT OF MYSELF. Pero 10k yung binayad namin for this summer lesson. I just want to prove to some people that it was worth it I guess. And I'm worth it. :/

7. UP CRAdLe stuff which I am absolutely guilty of for not putting on top of my priorities.

8. A trip to Pangasinan for an outreach with my 2 younger brothers, my high school bestfriend, and a family friend. It was a really heart-warming experience. Games with the families of the farmers and a visit to an orphanage and a home for the aged. Perfect. :')

9. Org meeting's which is still last in my priority list. It's sad how the title of "CD Circle Chairperson" is still not sinking in.

10. STFAP Application. This is for my tuiton fee discount in UP. And pakshetnayan naka tatlong balik na ko at padami na ng padami ang aking requirements. Lahat ng pwedeng gawan ng affidavit, pinapagawan! Mapa-marital separation, fund raising activity, kulang na lang pati affidavit ng binibili kong candy araw-araw, pagawan nila.

11. Totally voted for the first time ya'll!! I ROCK! \m/ I'm a bit disappointed with the turnout of votes though. Especially because I was rooting for Gordon. And I wasn't really a NoyNoy fan (Kamukha niya talaga si Bart Simpson). But what has happened, has happened. There's no turning back now. I guess we just all have to stick with what's here and push each other to the top.

Lagpas dalawang oras ko na ginagawa to'ng entry na to'. May katelebabads kasi ako. Hahaha. Minsan lang to' guys. My first "gimik" for the summer, nagrounded pa ko hanggang pasukan dahil late ako umuwi. Not like I have the time to go out. Really. Well anyway, yun lang yun.

Siguro I just have to say how fun it's been going kasi sobrang busy ako't lahat and I love the people around me and I love the things I''m doing. But I'd also have to say that medyo may kulang din as to how I don't have anybody to share it with. My closest friends all busy and syempre, walang "somebody special" na mapagkkwentuhan ko ng lahat ng achievements ko and all that tapos pupuriin niya ko kahit di naman ako kapuripuri at papalamigin niya ulo kapag nasosobrahan na ko sa physical and mental and spiritual stress. I guess I just have me right now. But that's fine. After everything that happened last summer, I say this will full conviction: I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON. :D ;)

"Sometimes things aren't exactly how you always imagined.
They're even better."
-Daphne, What a Girl Wants