Hop hop hop.

Life has been great the past few days. I've been really busy (and happy) with stuff I am absolutely NOT suppose to prioritize. But anyway. What's done is done. Haha. XD

Thursday. Two of my friends (whom must I say I haven't seen since the year started) visited me in school. Plan was, it was JUST LUNCH and then I attend my afternoon classes. Apparently, we were all an hour late so medyo nabitin kami in the morning. Which of course ended up... Me not attending all of my classes. Well... Totoo naman. Minsan ko lang sila makasama. Eh ang klase, palagi kong pinapasukan. Lame excuse, Pau. Whatever. :)) Went around UP, ate lots of random food (Rodic's tapsilog, FIC ice cream, Mang Larry's isaw, and mango shakes), semi-shoot ng tanghaling tapat (kami na ang naligo sa pawis at ako na ang kadiri ang paa nun dahil naka tsinelas lang ako), and apparently, they had very liberating stories to tell me.

Friday. I cut my first class. YEY ME. But I was really happy to get the chance to talk to my good ol' friend Roger. Na *ehem ehem* medyo busy with his good ol' life. We were supposed to talk about this case study presentation but we of course, ended up na nag-chichikahan lang. We had some catching up to do. Lame excuse. AGAIN. :)) But that's what made my day complete. NAKS NAMAN! UTOOOOT. =))

Saturday. Morning, I attended the SDP Teaching Program graduation. Afternoon, attended THE CRAZIEST BEST PHOTO SHOOT EVER (by Sandra Dans). At around 7pm, went to Cham's birthday dinner at Agave SM North. Then slept over at Nicki's to watch some awesome Modern Family. 8D

Sunday. Woke up at noon. Watched 3 more episodes of Modern Family ("You have something that belongs to me.... MY HEART." HAHAHAHA. Okay sorry). Walked to Magnolia for some awesome ice cream. Attended mass (at least half of it). Had weekly dinner at Lola's house. And watched another incredible movie by Disney... THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG YO!!!

So now.... I'm all sick and I still gots lots of stuff to do tomorrow like 2 reports, 3 journals, and a book drive project for this org I'm applying for. GREAT. But it's all gooooooooood. :> Just felt like sharing this awesome weekend with everybody. I hope ya'll had a good one too. ;)

♫ You gotta dig a little deeper ♪

-The Princess and the Frog

Babae po ako.

GRABE. It's that time of the month again. And wow lang. Naaawa ako sa lahat ng nakasalamuha ko ngayong araw na to. Last night, I was making my illustration for EDR121 when mom came in and stood right behind me. I hate it when people do that. I HATE THAT. I hate it when people stand right next to me while I read or write or type or draw. So I kind of pushed her away and... Nagtampo siya. :| MEAN ME. Then today, I was one hell of an introvert. I didn't approach anybody or when somebody talked to me, I'd either just nod or shrug. What a bitch.

TAPOS. My EDR121 partner is kind of... Well actually he IS dyslexic and medyo ewan ko lang ha.. ADHD ata (my own hypothesis). But he's okay. He's kind and very diligent. Pero madaldal siya and his voice is really loud that even though he's whispering, dinig ng buong klase yung sinasabi niya. Then as usual, I sat beside him today. Pero... Medyo nairita ako sa kanya ngayon. MEDYO LANG NAMAN. Coz he kept on talking and making side comments there beside me even though I wasn't responding to anything he was saying. And tell you what. NAGKASABAY PA KAMI SA JEEP. Tas di ko din siya kinakausap. :| But nung bababa na siya, nag-bye naman ako.

But still. When I got home.. I really felt bad for treating him that way. I'm not normally like this. I'm patient with people but the stupid sun was too high today and this week just had to be that time of the month. Demmit. HORMONES.

The only good thing about having this visitor is that I can make it an excuse sa bahay kung bakit ako masungit. I know, I know. Treating people badly is only up to me. Not my hormones. Nyeeee.

Ako na ang malupet.

Hindi ako yung tipo ng taong mahilig magsabi ng mga naranasan ko sa buhay na napaka-ouch in full detail. Pero parang feel ko ngayon. Bakit? Ewan. Napaka-deep lang siguro ng usapan namin ng kaklase ko kagabi. At napaisip lang ako... Ano kaya ang kalagayan ng buhay ko ngayon kapag di nangyari ang lahat ng ito sa akin? Walang thrill. Boring.

Ang tatay kong malupet.

Ang tatay ko ay isa sa mga pinaka-cool na tatay sa buong mundo. Seryoso. Ang dami niyang shades. Iba't-ibang klase, iba't-ibang kulay. Kung manamit siya, bagets kung bagets! Jogging pants, tight-fitted shirts... Sexy! Ang buhok niya, puti na. Yes. PUTI LAHAT. Minsan mukhang yellow. Minsan mukhang gold. Pero ang alam ko, puti talaga yun eh. Take note: Mas mahaba pa ang buhok niya sa buhok ko. Bale, napponytail niya na ito. Proud siya. Ang da best factor tungkol sa kanya kaya siya cool ay malapit na siya mag 50yrs old... At nag dodota parin siya. YES BOYS. DOTA. Adik siya sa dota. Photographer, Computer Artist. Cool kung cool talaga e. Pero minsan, hindi yun ang nagiging basehan ko kung bakit siya malupet (in a good or bad way). Malupet siya kasi may iba na siyang pamilya. Matagal na yun. Pagkatapos pa ko ilabas ng nanay ko. Benta nga eh. Hiwalay na sila nuon, pero sinundan pa ko ng dalawa. Hahahaha. Wala lang daw. Boring nga naman kasi pag dalawa lang kami ng kuya ko. Ako ang pinaka nagrebelde sa hiwalayan na ito. Nagwala ang aking kalandian at katamaran nung hayskul (paminsan kahit ngayon college). Pero okay lang. Good girl na ko ngayon. Sana, si Daddy din... Good boy na. 19yrs old na ko. Di parin siya natatauhan.

Ang nanay kong malupet.

Si Mama, malaki ang paniniwala sa "What God has joined together, let man not separate.” Ako din. Sa ilang taon ko nang pamumuhay, alam na alam ko na yan. Pero nagalit parin ako sa tatay ko. Hanggang ngayon, galit ako. Hindi lang ako yung tipo na nagsasabi ng nararamdaman sa taong kinauukulan. Haha. Eh ang nanay ko? Ay. Wala. Matagal niya nang napatawad si Daddy. Bukas na bukas ang pinto sa bahay namin at sa puso niya sa araw na magbabago si Dad. Hanggang ngayon, tuwing nandito si Daddy isang araw sa isang linggo, si Mama pa ang naglalagay ng toothpaste sa toothrush niya at si Mama pa ang naglalagay ng kanin sa plato niya. Talk about henyo? Nope. Hindi siya henyo. Hindi siya martyr. Ang Mama ko, isang halimbawa ng taong nagmamahal. Unconditionally. Marunong magpatawad.

Ang ex-boyfriend kong walang kasing lupet.

Eto na yun eh. Like father and mother, like daughter and her boyfriend. Ako naman kasi si magaling. Boboyfriend boyfriend, di naman alam ang kalokohang pinapasok. Mang-uunder ng boyfriend, magguilty, tapos magpapaunder para makabawi. Ang dami dami ko daw kasing kasalanan sa kanya. Ginawa ko lahat ng bawal. Kinakausap ko mga kabarkada kong lalaki, mga kaklase kong lalaki, nagshshorts ako sa labas, natutulog ako ng umaga na, NAGPIPINTA AKO NG KUKO KO. Bawal. Ang sama sama ko noh? Pero inayos ko naman. Kung ayaw mo, edi wag ko. Ginawa ko lahat. Pero di parin siya nakuntento. Hanggang dumating ang oras na hindi na siya nakapigil. Masyado ba siyang nagalit? O hindi lang siya makatiis bilang lalaki? Madami paring tanong sa utak ko hanggang ngayon. Bakit nga ba. Bakit siya nang BLUETOOTH ng iba. ANG LUPET NIYA. Matino akong babae. V na V pa. Kung ang hanap niya ay yung laspag na, WHY NAT COCONAT. I stand my ground. Hindi ako papatol hangga't hindi ako handa. Oo, minahal ko siya. Ewan. Unconditionally nga ba? Ang alam ko lang, sinubukan ko maging katulad ni Mama. Pero hindi ko pa kaya. Bata pa nga ako. Baby pa.

Nakakainis. Ang galing ng tadhana at kinailangan niyang iparamdam sakin yung sakit ng pagiging resulta ng dalawang lalaking MALUPET. Pero bakit? Ang sabi nila, hangga't di ko pa natututunang mapatawad si Itay ng buong buo, mangyayari't mangyayari ito sa akin. Ang iba naman, kahit sino daw may kahinaan. At nagkataon lang na ang dalawang pinaka importanteng lalaki sa buhay ko ay pareho ng "weakness".

Ang say ko naman, WHY ME? BAKIT ME? WHY AKO?

Kasi hindi ako katulad ng malupet kong Mama.

Di pa ako marunong magmahal tulad niya.

Yan ang goal ko. Ang maging katulad ni Mama.

Kung wala sila, Paano na tayo?

I've gone to Tagaytay for a lot of times now. Ever since I was a kid, I always sat at the window seat going there and coming back so I would be able to see the view of the fields. Until before this weekend, the only thing I knew about them fields was that they were really lovely and green and wide and everything there was DELISYOSO.

But what was going on behind those exquisite fields?
That's what I didn't know.
That's what EVERYBODY ELSE didn't know.

"Pinagyayaman namin ang lupang ito bilang mga magsasaka. Dito kami nabubuhay. Pero hanggang kailan?"

This is the question the people of Brgy. Lumil in Silang, Cavite have been asking all their lives. The only thing that kept them alive was this land. This land that fed them, brought them to school, gave them shelter... They didn't really ask for more. But that wasn't enough reason for some. Not enough basis to stop others to take it away from them. Some didn't understand that once they took this land for themselves, a lot of families would lose everything they have. And when I say everything.. I meant that literally.

How could some people not see the beauty of these lands? Anong gagawin nila? Put up factories and villages once they take hold? Okay. Do that. But what will they do with the families? The farmers? THE CHILDREN? Oh I know. They'll tell them they'll relocate them and give them jobs.... That's pure bull. There's no security in that. They don't realize what beauty they're taking away. Not only from these farmers, but from all of us.

What beauty?

Those luscious pineapples.

Mouth-watering fresh buko.
Delicious food.
Lalo na pag kinamay at nasa dahon ng saging. Nom~

Those innocent and happy children.

That simple way of living
(My foster home)



Hardworking men.




Those loving families.
(My foster family)

I tried this kind of living. It wasn't easy. Nope. Not at all. Waking up at 5am every morning to go up the mountains and work on the fields. I wouldn't even get up at that time if I had to pee!
It was amazing to live here.
I wouldn't exchange this experience for anything.

The only thing these farmers ask for is to let them stay. They're not asking for the whole land. They're just asking for that portion. There truly is no better life for this land. What can we do to help? Spread the word. These beautiful sceneries have something hidden behind them. A world full of struggles. The trouble of these farmers is not only for them. It's our problem to solve too. Make a move. Change our world... Or at least, our country. Just let those people realize what they're doing and what they're taking away. Without these farmers.. We have so much to lose. Let's not take that risk.

"Ang problema ng mga magsasaka, problema nating lahat."
-Kuya Abe, A youth farmer

Counting stars to name your lies.

I never really expected this to be easy. To just close my eyes one night and wake up the next morning to sunshine and butterflies. That's called a dream. A happy ending. Something actually very far from where I am standing now. Today, I found myself looking at you. Not the you that took me to paradise. But the you that's been haunting me day and night. The you that tore me apart. The you that I wasted and shed tears on.

You promised me that we'll find this someday.
I did. But then after I did... I lost you.

Until now I still cannot believe this all had to happen... But it did. And as they always say, things do happen for a reason. A reason which we are to find out sooner or later. I'm really impatient that way. That whenever I see you, I beg God to please just lay down the cards and get it all over with. But he didn't do that. He taught me to stand on my own. The only thing i need to do is to repeat that to myself every single minute... "Just trying to teach you a lesson."

I have so much work to do for the week. I have 2 long exams, 4 papers, 2 presentations, and an exposure trip (plus plus). AND YES, fate just happen to make its way down my life TODAY to keep it rockin'. Thanks for that. Now I'd have to make MORE effort to keep my mind in my school work. HELLLLLLLL YEAH~ And as I always say..... LIFE'S AMAZING THIS WAY.


P.S. Pwede niyo ako tawaging emo.
P.P.S.S. Pero I believe lahat tayo may emo side.
P.P.P.S.S.S. Bawal kumontra. Hahaha.