Monday, December 21, 2009


So. Who would've thought? I'm back where I started.

That's how life got to me this year. The year that I thought my life would be closer to where I wanted it to go. Closer to my dreams, my goals. Where am I now? I'm in this place where all I could see is.... My room filled with useless stuff like three piggy banks. I'm back here. THE REAL WORLD. The world where I stop acting as if I'm so ready to face everything.

This is what I would love to write here: "As I write this entry, I tell myself that I am ready. I'm okay. I'M A NEW PERSON." But no. I'm not. I'm not ready, or okay, and I am absolutely NOT A NEW PERSON. Not today... I'm guessing not soon. I'm still that same old girl who always dreamt of a perfect family with the perfect husband and children. Perfect home, and job, and... EVERYTHING. All this, I planned with someone. Someone was the perfect guy. He was smart, and funny, and really really sweet. He topped departmental exams, he dresses up as a spartan, and he buys me kitkat just because he feels like it. But like any other person, Someone has his weaknesses and Someone makes mistakes. I had my fair share of these, and he did too. THAT was the problem and.... THAT was the end of it.

Things I realized after the -END-?
- I've been neglecting so many people in my life, I even forgot they existed
- I can actually pay for my own food ONLY most of the time
- I can save up to P400 a week
- I missed my family
- CD is actually the place to be <3
- A lot of people need me
- I need other people
- I can wear whatever I want to whenever I want to
- I can paint my nails black!
- Madaming hot guys sa paligid ko

LOL. Labo. Just trying to say that taking another step back doesn't really mean its not good for me. It actually is. I kept on forcing myself to believe in change and happy endings and fate and LOVE. I did. But I only believed in it specifically for him. Pwede naman ang lahat ng yan sa ibang tao o bagay. I live for others. But others doesn't only apply to one person. It applies to any face I see every single day. And these faces? Uh-huh. GOD. That's who I missed and neglected this whole year. They all say you're 18th year is always the best so make the most out of it. HAH. Who says there's a specific year for THE BEST?? Di na uso yan! All I know is, my 18th year didn't suck. I hated it and I loved it. I loved it for the reason that at the end of that year, I know who and what really matters (wether i'm in love or i'm out of it).

CHOS. :))

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