So. Who would've thought? I'm back where I started.
That's how life got to me this year. The year that I thought my life would be closer to where I wanted it to go. Closer to my dreams, my goals. Where am I now? I'm in this place where all I could see is.... My room filled with useless stuff like three piggy banks. I'm back here. THE REAL WORLD. The world where I stop acting as if I'm so ready to face everything.
This is what I would love to write here: "As I write this entry, I tell myself that I am ready. I'm okay. I'M A NEW PERSON." But no. I'm not. I'm not ready, or okay, and I am absolutely NOT A NEW PERSON. Not today... I'm guessing not soon. I'm still that same old girl who always dreamt of a perfect family with the perfect husband and children. Perfect home, and job, and... EVERYTHING. All this, I planned with someone. Someone was the perfect guy. He was smart, and funny, and really really sweet. He topped departmental exams, he dresses up as a spartan, and he buys me kitkat just because he feels like it. But like any other person, Someone has his weaknesses and Someone makes mistakes. I had my fair share of these, and he did too. THAT was the problem and.... THAT was the end of it.
Things I realized after the -END-?
- I've been neglecting so many people in my life, I even forgot they existed
- I can actually pay for my own food ONLY most of the time
- I can save up to P400 a week
- I missed my family
- CD is actually the place to be <3
That's how life got to me this year. The year that I thought my life would be closer to where I wanted it to go. Closer to my dreams, my goals. Where am I now? I'm in this place where all I could see is.... My room filled with useless stuff like three piggy banks. I'm back here. THE REAL WORLD. The world where I stop acting as if I'm so ready to face everything.
This is what I would love to write here: "As I write this entry, I tell myself that I am ready. I'm okay. I'M A NEW PERSON." But no. I'm not. I'm not ready, or okay, and I am absolutely NOT A NEW PERSON. Not today... I'm guessing not soon. I'm still that same old girl who always dreamt of a perfect family with the perfect husband and children. Perfect home, and job, and... EVERYTHING. All this, I planned with someone. Someone was the perfect guy. He was smart, and funny, and really really sweet. He topped departmental exams, he dresses up as a spartan, and he buys me kitkat just because he feels like it. But like any other person, Someone has his weaknesses and Someone makes mistakes. I had my fair share of these, and he did too. THAT was the problem and.... THAT was the end of it.
Things I realized after the -END-?
- I've been neglecting so many people in my life, I even forgot they existed
- I can actually pay for my own food ONLY most of the time
- I can save up to P400 a week
- I missed my family
- CD is actually the place to be <3
- A lot of people need me
- I need other people
- I can wear whatever I want to whenever I want to
- I can paint my nails black!
- Madaming hot guys sa paligid ko
- GOD LOVES ME MUCH MORE THAN ANYBODY ELSE DOES
LOL. Labo. Just trying to say that taking another step back doesn't really mean its not good for me. It actually is. I kept on forcing myself to believe in change and happy endings and fate and LOVE. I did. But I only believed in it specifically for him. Pwede naman ang lahat ng yan sa ibang tao o bagay. I live for others. But others doesn't only apply to one person. It applies to any face I see every single day. And these faces? Uh-huh. GOD. That's who I missed and neglected this whole year. They all say you're 18th year is always the best so make the most out of it. HAH. Who says there's a specific year for THE BEST?? Di na uso yan! All I know is, my 18th year didn't suck. I hated it and I loved it. I loved it for the reason that at the end of that year, I know who and what really matters (wether i'm in love or i'm out of it).
CHOS. :))
No comments:
Post a Comment