Spin.

Para lang may picture. Hahaha.

Me behind the mask behind the mask.

(Yes. Dalawang mask. Wag niyo na i-gets. Ang emo eh.)

Been wanting to write about so many stuff lately. Mostly about school. School being... Not bad. I've been going past my body's limits since the year started. NOT part of the plan. I sleep past midnight and wake up after 3 or 4 hours of sleep. I cram all my school work, and when I say all... I MEAN ALL OF THEM. I do them a day or a few hours before deadline. Lethargic, indifferent -- ME. I don't even know what keeps me from doing them at the right time. I can be diligent. I just know it. :>

That being said, I'm a friggin college scholar (for last semester). Wudupp~ And, no. No benefits or anything. Just the title. Ewan. I'm the kind of person who's not really good at anything. Or maybe I'm still looking for something to be good at. But right now, there's nothing. I'm not smart. I'm not talented. I'm not anything.(<- This is me being very confident about myself). Being college scholar doesn't really make me feel like anything or anybody. Chamba lang -- That's what I felt. My first semester subjects were actually kind of easy (not to be boastful or anything). Eh seriously, if you were me who took those subjects, you'd get university scholar. No questions asked. I mean, what is it with my brain that doesn't get the point? I try so hard to study for certain exams and get an "okay" grade while a classmate hardly reads anything for it and gets the top score. It's not fair. I wouldn't call myself dumb or stupid, but I won't call myself smart either. Or maybe I CAN call myself stupid... Or bobo. Hahahaha. WELL... Since I know deep inside me that this college scholar title would never again be entitled to me, maybe susulitin ko na lang. Once in a lifetime. Yup. ONCE.

Also, I find myself overreacting about very useless things and not caring about things I'm actually supposed to care about. Gets? No? Yes? Yeah. I'm not a "no" kind of person and I hate it when no means leaving a good friendship behind. Fck that. :(

Ate Angel told me this yesterday, "Alam mo Pau, ang sweet sweet mo talaga! Parang wala kang problema. Napaka-carefree mong klase ng tao. Nakakagaan ng loob." Even though I would say that the only thing she said right was that I was sweet, I'd still love it if people saw me this way. Seriously. Kahit magiging plastik ang dating ko, at least I know I make people feel light about life.

Aaaaaaaaaand looking at the brighter side of life, 2 weeks before the Paramore concert! \m/ And I might be watching Owl City too! Now that's what I call zeh good life! :D

Hindi talento ang pagiging maganda.

Celebrating?

Death

I turned my back. Squinted my eyes. Took hold of my phone. Checked the time -- 7:53am. Then read my message -- Mommy Pig: "The Lord has finally heard the cry of our beloved Jose Luis. He got his wings at 7:25 this morning. Let us pray for his eternal happiness." I usually go back to sleep after reading my morning messages. But after this one, I couldn't even close my eyes for a single second.

I wouldn't call him our family priest or anything. But he did change our lives. Everything about our lives he turned upside-down.... but right-side up. With one conversation, he managed to convince my mom to enter into this life of spirit. From wealth to no money, no home, no nothing. Just us. Jose Luis was a man who knew what love really meant. He always knew what to say -- even though he was aware it would hurt us. He was a man -- worshipped, adored, praised. To all of us, he was a saint. But to him, he was just another sinner saved by God.

We now celebrate his birth into the new life.

Brother's and Beer

Been drunk for 3 straight nights now. But I assure you, this has absolutely nothing to do with valentines day. I just missed it I guess. I missed the times wherein I didn't have to worry about what people would say about me. Basically, I DIDN'T WANT TO CARE. But then again, being drunk never made me escape the real life. I wake up in the morning and find my self... Worrying about what I said or did the night before. Oh fucker. Ha-Ha.

My younger brother saved me from getting caught the 2nd night. And the older one, well, he celebrated his birthday. That's it.

Valentines Day

Three of my guy friends went on a secret mission for this day. They bought roses for all us girl friends. Realization: Hindi pa extinct ang mga lalaking hinahanap ng maraming babae.

A friend gave me roses and chocolates. My insights on this is.. Ewan. I really appreciate it. Although... Basta. Hahahaha? Ha? Ha? =))

On Being Emo.

I feel left out. I don't belong anywhere in the world I got myself into. Everything about it is just wrong. Hindi ko din alam. Until now, my course title is still haunting me. This is not what I want. But why am I here? Who wants this for me anyway? The only thing I know, this was never part of the plan.. Never will be.

"Weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning."

Hop hop hop.

Life has been great the past few days. I've been really busy (and happy) with stuff I am absolutely NOT suppose to prioritize. But anyway. What's done is done. Haha. XD

Thursday. Two of my friends (whom must I say I haven't seen since the year started) visited me in school. Plan was, it was JUST LUNCH and then I attend my afternoon classes. Apparently, we were all an hour late so medyo nabitin kami in the morning. Which of course ended up... Me not attending all of my classes. Well... Totoo naman. Minsan ko lang sila makasama. Eh ang klase, palagi kong pinapasukan. Lame excuse, Pau. Whatever. :)) Went around UP, ate lots of random food (Rodic's tapsilog, FIC ice cream, Mang Larry's isaw, and mango shakes), semi-shoot ng tanghaling tapat (kami na ang naligo sa pawis at ako na ang kadiri ang paa nun dahil naka tsinelas lang ako), and apparently, they had very liberating stories to tell me.

Friday. I cut my first class. YEY ME. But I was really happy to get the chance to talk to my good ol' friend Roger. Na *ehem ehem* medyo busy with his good ol' life. We were supposed to talk about this case study presentation but we of course, ended up na nag-chichikahan lang. We had some catching up to do. Lame excuse. AGAIN. :)) But that's what made my day complete. NAKS NAMAN! UTOOOOT. =))

Saturday. Morning, I attended the SDP Teaching Program graduation. Afternoon, attended THE CRAZIEST BEST PHOTO SHOOT EVER (by Sandra Dans). At around 7pm, went to Cham's birthday dinner at Agave SM North. Then slept over at Nicki's to watch some awesome Modern Family. 8D

Sunday. Woke up at noon. Watched 3 more episodes of Modern Family ("You have something that belongs to me.... MY HEART." HAHAHAHA. Okay sorry). Walked to Magnolia for some awesome ice cream. Attended mass (at least half of it). Had weekly dinner at Lola's house. And watched another incredible movie by Disney... THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG YO!!!

So now.... I'm all sick and I still gots lots of stuff to do tomorrow like 2 reports, 3 journals, and a book drive project for this org I'm applying for. GREAT. But it's all gooooooooood. :> Just felt like sharing this awesome weekend with everybody. I hope ya'll had a good one too. ;)

♫ You gotta dig a little deeper ♪

-The Princess and the Frog

Babae po ako.

GRABE. It's that time of the month again. And wow lang. Naaawa ako sa lahat ng nakasalamuha ko ngayong araw na to. Last night, I was making my illustration for EDR121 when mom came in and stood right behind me. I hate it when people do that. I HATE THAT. I hate it when people stand right next to me while I read or write or type or draw. So I kind of pushed her away and... Nagtampo siya. :| MEAN ME. Then today, I was one hell of an introvert. I didn't approach anybody or when somebody talked to me, I'd either just nod or shrug. What a bitch.

TAPOS. My EDR121 partner is kind of... Well actually he IS dyslexic and medyo ewan ko lang ha.. ADHD ata (my own hypothesis). But he's okay. He's kind and very diligent. Pero madaldal siya and his voice is really loud that even though he's whispering, dinig ng buong klase yung sinasabi niya. Then as usual, I sat beside him today. Pero... Medyo nairita ako sa kanya ngayon. MEDYO LANG NAMAN. Coz he kept on talking and making side comments there beside me even though I wasn't responding to anything he was saying. And tell you what. NAGKASABAY PA KAMI SA JEEP. Tas di ko din siya kinakausap. :| But nung bababa na siya, nag-bye naman ako.

But still. When I got home.. I really felt bad for treating him that way. I'm not normally like this. I'm patient with people but the stupid sun was too high today and this week just had to be that time of the month. Demmit. HORMONES.

The only good thing about having this visitor is that I can make it an excuse sa bahay kung bakit ako masungit. I know, I know. Treating people badly is only up to me. Not my hormones. Nyeeee.