Ako na ang malupet.

Hindi ako yung tipo ng taong mahilig magsabi ng mga naranasan ko sa buhay na napaka-ouch in full detail. Pero parang feel ko ngayon. Bakit? Ewan. Napaka-deep lang siguro ng usapan namin ng kaklase ko kagabi. At napaisip lang ako... Ano kaya ang kalagayan ng buhay ko ngayon kapag di nangyari ang lahat ng ito sa akin? Walang thrill. Boring.

Ang tatay kong malupet.

Ang tatay ko ay isa sa mga pinaka-cool na tatay sa buong mundo. Seryoso. Ang dami niyang shades. Iba't-ibang klase, iba't-ibang kulay. Kung manamit siya, bagets kung bagets! Jogging pants, tight-fitted shirts... Sexy! Ang buhok niya, puti na. Yes. PUTI LAHAT. Minsan mukhang yellow. Minsan mukhang gold. Pero ang alam ko, puti talaga yun eh. Take note: Mas mahaba pa ang buhok niya sa buhok ko. Bale, napponytail niya na ito. Proud siya. Ang da best factor tungkol sa kanya kaya siya cool ay malapit na siya mag 50yrs old... At nag dodota parin siya. YES BOYS. DOTA. Adik siya sa dota. Photographer, Computer Artist. Cool kung cool talaga e. Pero minsan, hindi yun ang nagiging basehan ko kung bakit siya malupet (in a good or bad way). Malupet siya kasi may iba na siyang pamilya. Matagal na yun. Pagkatapos pa ko ilabas ng nanay ko. Benta nga eh. Hiwalay na sila nuon, pero sinundan pa ko ng dalawa. Hahahaha. Wala lang daw. Boring nga naman kasi pag dalawa lang kami ng kuya ko. Ako ang pinaka nagrebelde sa hiwalayan na ito. Nagwala ang aking kalandian at katamaran nung hayskul (paminsan kahit ngayon college). Pero okay lang. Good girl na ko ngayon. Sana, si Daddy din... Good boy na. 19yrs old na ko. Di parin siya natatauhan.

Ang nanay kong malupet.

Si Mama, malaki ang paniniwala sa "What God has joined together, let man not separate.” Ako din. Sa ilang taon ko nang pamumuhay, alam na alam ko na yan. Pero nagalit parin ako sa tatay ko. Hanggang ngayon, galit ako. Hindi lang ako yung tipo na nagsasabi ng nararamdaman sa taong kinauukulan. Haha. Eh ang nanay ko? Ay. Wala. Matagal niya nang napatawad si Daddy. Bukas na bukas ang pinto sa bahay namin at sa puso niya sa araw na magbabago si Dad. Hanggang ngayon, tuwing nandito si Daddy isang araw sa isang linggo, si Mama pa ang naglalagay ng toothpaste sa toothrush niya at si Mama pa ang naglalagay ng kanin sa plato niya. Talk about henyo? Nope. Hindi siya henyo. Hindi siya martyr. Ang Mama ko, isang halimbawa ng taong nagmamahal. Unconditionally. Marunong magpatawad.

Ang ex-boyfriend kong walang kasing lupet.

Eto na yun eh. Like father and mother, like daughter and her boyfriend. Ako naman kasi si magaling. Boboyfriend boyfriend, di naman alam ang kalokohang pinapasok. Mang-uunder ng boyfriend, magguilty, tapos magpapaunder para makabawi. Ang dami dami ko daw kasing kasalanan sa kanya. Ginawa ko lahat ng bawal. Kinakausap ko mga kabarkada kong lalaki, mga kaklase kong lalaki, nagshshorts ako sa labas, natutulog ako ng umaga na, NAGPIPINTA AKO NG KUKO KO. Bawal. Ang sama sama ko noh? Pero inayos ko naman. Kung ayaw mo, edi wag ko. Ginawa ko lahat. Pero di parin siya nakuntento. Hanggang dumating ang oras na hindi na siya nakapigil. Masyado ba siyang nagalit? O hindi lang siya makatiis bilang lalaki? Madami paring tanong sa utak ko hanggang ngayon. Bakit nga ba. Bakit siya nang BLUETOOTH ng iba. ANG LUPET NIYA. Matino akong babae. V na V pa. Kung ang hanap niya ay yung laspag na, WHY NAT COCONAT. I stand my ground. Hindi ako papatol hangga't hindi ako handa. Oo, minahal ko siya. Ewan. Unconditionally nga ba? Ang alam ko lang, sinubukan ko maging katulad ni Mama. Pero hindi ko pa kaya. Bata pa nga ako. Baby pa.

Nakakainis. Ang galing ng tadhana at kinailangan niyang iparamdam sakin yung sakit ng pagiging resulta ng dalawang lalaking MALUPET. Pero bakit? Ang sabi nila, hangga't di ko pa natututunang mapatawad si Itay ng buong buo, mangyayari't mangyayari ito sa akin. Ang iba naman, kahit sino daw may kahinaan. At nagkataon lang na ang dalawang pinaka importanteng lalaki sa buhay ko ay pareho ng "weakness".

Ang say ko naman, WHY ME? BAKIT ME? WHY AKO?

Kasi hindi ako katulad ng malupet kong Mama.

Di pa ako marunong magmahal tulad niya.

Yan ang goal ko. Ang maging katulad ni Mama.

Kung wala sila, Paano na tayo?

I've gone to Tagaytay for a lot of times now. Ever since I was a kid, I always sat at the window seat going there and coming back so I would be able to see the view of the fields. Until before this weekend, the only thing I knew about them fields was that they were really lovely and green and wide and everything there was DELISYOSO.

But what was going on behind those exquisite fields?
That's what I didn't know.
That's what EVERYBODY ELSE didn't know.

"Pinagyayaman namin ang lupang ito bilang mga magsasaka. Dito kami nabubuhay. Pero hanggang kailan?"

This is the question the people of Brgy. Lumil in Silang, Cavite have been asking all their lives. The only thing that kept them alive was this land. This land that fed them, brought them to school, gave them shelter... They didn't really ask for more. But that wasn't enough reason for some. Not enough basis to stop others to take it away from them. Some didn't understand that once they took this land for themselves, a lot of families would lose everything they have. And when I say everything.. I meant that literally.

How could some people not see the beauty of these lands? Anong gagawin nila? Put up factories and villages once they take hold? Okay. Do that. But what will they do with the families? The farmers? THE CHILDREN? Oh I know. They'll tell them they'll relocate them and give them jobs.... That's pure bull. There's no security in that. They don't realize what beauty they're taking away. Not only from these farmers, but from all of us.

What beauty?

Those luscious pineapples.

Mouth-watering fresh buko.
Delicious food.
Lalo na pag kinamay at nasa dahon ng saging. Nom~

Those innocent and happy children.

That simple way of living
(My foster home)



Hardworking men.




Those loving families.
(My foster family)

I tried this kind of living. It wasn't easy. Nope. Not at all. Waking up at 5am every morning to go up the mountains and work on the fields. I wouldn't even get up at that time if I had to pee!
It was amazing to live here.
I wouldn't exchange this experience for anything.

The only thing these farmers ask for is to let them stay. They're not asking for the whole land. They're just asking for that portion. There truly is no better life for this land. What can we do to help? Spread the word. These beautiful sceneries have something hidden behind them. A world full of struggles. The trouble of these farmers is not only for them. It's our problem to solve too. Make a move. Change our world... Or at least, our country. Just let those people realize what they're doing and what they're taking away. Without these farmers.. We have so much to lose. Let's not take that risk.

"Ang problema ng mga magsasaka, problema nating lahat."
-Kuya Abe, A youth farmer

Counting stars to name your lies.

I never really expected this to be easy. To just close my eyes one night and wake up the next morning to sunshine and butterflies. That's called a dream. A happy ending. Something actually very far from where I am standing now. Today, I found myself looking at you. Not the you that took me to paradise. But the you that's been haunting me day and night. The you that tore me apart. The you that I wasted and shed tears on.

You promised me that we'll find this someday.
I did. But then after I did... I lost you.

Until now I still cannot believe this all had to happen... But it did. And as they always say, things do happen for a reason. A reason which we are to find out sooner or later. I'm really impatient that way. That whenever I see you, I beg God to please just lay down the cards and get it all over with. But he didn't do that. He taught me to stand on my own. The only thing i need to do is to repeat that to myself every single minute... "Just trying to teach you a lesson."

I have so much work to do for the week. I have 2 long exams, 4 papers, 2 presentations, and an exposure trip (plus plus). AND YES, fate just happen to make its way down my life TODAY to keep it rockin'. Thanks for that. Now I'd have to make MORE effort to keep my mind in my school work. HELLLLLLLL YEAH~ And as I always say..... LIFE'S AMAZING THIS WAY.


P.S. Pwede niyo ako tawaging emo.
P.P.S.S. Pero I believe lahat tayo may emo side.
P.P.P.S.S.S. Bawal kumontra. Hahaha.

Eh Ano?

YES. Something is definitely wrong with me. I'm happy in general. Pero may something eh. Haha. Weird. I've been having this feeling that people talk and say bad stuff about me behind my back (or feeling lang talaga ako? Hahaha). Ewan. It's strange but I'm kind of sensitive about these things. KIND OF. ANYWAY. Yeah. I think maybe its karma. Since I've been really mean and selfish recently. Inaaway ko mga taong wala namang ginagawang masama sa akin. TSK TSK. That's it. Lesson Learned.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Lamest entry on earth. K TNX BAI. :))

Rule 32: Enjoy the Little Things.

I'm not really sure if a recap would be any good for me. But I'll try anyway.

I started last year with a blast. I had a boyfriend, a job, and... I uhh... Passed all my subjects (lol). I found a new family at Sta. Mesa where I consider all the children as a part of me now. I got it through my last sem as a first year student in UP, not with flying colors, but I got through it. ;) I watched the movie of John Loyd and Sarah in the middle of the year with my mom. And I took theater classes during summer, found new friends and learned just what I wanted to. PETA rocked. \m/ I am now a godmother of three babies in a span of two years. I was taking medications for 9 out of 12 months of this year. And oh, I fainted during a mass and got confined for three straight days. FIRST TIME YO. I went to Baguio twice. Celebrated my VERY FIRST BOYFRIEND-ANNIVERSARY. I did relief operations with my friends and cousins for the victims of Ondoy. And oh wait! Me and my cousin, Nicki, got stuck in the middle of Philcoa for 7hours straight during that storm. I starred in a film thanks also to my cousin Nicki. Hahahaha. I counted the steps around the whole Engineering Complex (1,057). I got a bouquet from a Golden Wedding Anniversary, and got kissed by a stranger in 3 different parts of my face.... He's not really a stranger now. :D I cut my piggy bank open (plastic eh. so i didn't really have to break it). I auditioned for two things, turns out I'm still really not confident enough. I celebrated my birthday at an orphanage for the first time... And I'm looking forward to doing it again. :> I went to Bohol with of course, the Dans family. And it was awesome as always. Last but not the least... I got my heart broken, BIG TIME. That's the one thing I won't forget about last year. Truth is, last year existed because of him. I re-read my planner this morning and I saw every page covered with drawing and doodles all about "those moments". I was seriously in love. And truth is, IT SUCKS. I can't believe I had to waste all that time for someone who's been treating me like shit. But before I start this year, I just want to say, it sucked but I don't regret all of that happening. Atleast he made me happy. Nobody else would've done that the same way he did. Thanks Angelo.

ANYWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.
LEZ DO THEZ PEOPLE.
HAPPY NEW YEEEAAAAARRRR!!!!!!!! XD

Resolutions (by priority):
10. Di pwede malate (school, meetings, hangouts, etc.)
9. Control myself when I get hold of alcohol.
8. Exercise (jog, bike, soccer, SIT-UPS, etc.) atleast twice a week.
7. Read at least one book per month.
6. Be a diligent student.
5. DO NOT FALL INLOVE.
4. Earn money.... AND SAVE IT.
3. No oversleeping.
2. Attend the tripod.
1. Be a happy person.

How boring. Hahaha. Di naman masusunod. WELL ATLEAST I TRYYYYYYY!!! :)) 9 and 10 are the last priorities kasi alam ko those are the ones which will be hard to do (especially by someone like me). I'm not saying na hindi na ako mage-effort. OFCOURSE I'LL STILL TRY MY BEST. Ako pa. :>

So again, Happy New Year Everyone.
Have a good year ahead of you. :D