As if.

I've been walking my way to breathing this week. Since after my voice recital last Sunday, I realized this week's the only summer I've got left.... Til' forever. That is, if I won't be able to take my required units this school year. On 2012, I'll be graduating (hopefully), and then I'll be working, which means -- Goodbye forever, summer.

It's just how things are going. At home, with a friend, in school. I feel that I've been doing such a good job lately. But when people like my mom or one of my closest friends tell me that I've been failing so hard as a daughter and a friend, I cry and repeat to myself that "I have to think about their feelings". That's what they teach me in church. But what about what I have to say? What about helping them realize that they also made mistakes? Isn't that my job too? It just doesn't make sense sometimes. So I told myself, I need a break.

Yesterday, I went to a friend's house to have a little chitchat about my life made out of shit. I ended up watching the animated Tarzan movie, playing with her baby brother and sister, and watching her younger brother's game of basketball. My plan of self-pitying was ruined -- In a good way.

Today, I went to visit another friend having her OJT at ABS-CBN. Wasn't too far from home so when she told me she had her 1-hour break, I was betting it was worth it. Seeing her enter the convenience store with her big, fat, kikay smile, I brisk walked my way to her and gave her a big, fat, kikay hug. I don't even remember the last time I saw this woman. I've been longing for that hug for a long while now. Making the most out of the 1-hour of freedom she was given, there was no stopping us. We talked about how much of a blur our lives are today, and how far we're actually going. She was still the same. I asked her what she wanted to eat, she said she wasn't going to. The usual diet she's been going on for years now. There were no pauses. We just talked and talked and laughed about stupid things until the hour was over. When I checked the time, I didn't want to tell her it was time to get back to work, but we both knew it was. After this, another long agony of longing for each other's company. I didn't want that again. But that's just really up to us, yes? She walked me to the cab and told me she missed me a lot. I did too. During the cab ride, I again realized, my self-pity plan once again did not work.... But I felt really good.

Truth is, what I needed wasn't a break. I'm a live human being, I'm not like certain animals that need to hibernate. I was just being selfish. What I need is some optimism. A graduate from our organization I'm not very close to told me last week to "chill". I was getting really depressed because of the lack of participation my co-members had. She said, "The attitude of the members comes from you". That said a lot I guess. The outcome of everything I'm going through would depend on how I take it.

BV. I'm sure I'll be eating my own words even before this day ends. But what the hell! At least may realization diba? Hahaha. :))

Gumagalaw at Your Service.

Galaw galaw? Oh yes. That's what I've been doing for the past month or so. Hahaha. Nakakatawa yung fact that I think summer was more of a "patikim" as they call it, for my incoming school year 2010-2011. I'm not saying my summer's been hell, I mean, hell in the temperature sense but the stress actually keeps me alive. Kapag wala akong ginagawa, sumasakit ulo ko. Seryoso. :))

Well anyway, since this is my first official entry for the summer, these are some of the things that have kept me alive and kickin':

1. National Youth Day 2010 at Nueva Viscaya wherein I had the benefit of finally visiting the famous Rice Terraces.




2. Graduations. All 3 brothers graduated last month: One from elementary, the other from highschool and the last one from college. I'm a proud sister alright. ;) Pero hindi ba hassle? :)) (Pardon the pictures)



3. My cousin's wedding wherein I babysat her sooper dooper cutie baby for the whole day. Nyorm adorable. :3



4. Brother and Dad's birthdays.

5. Math 2. YES. Nag-take ako ng isang subject for the summer. 11-1pm. Wherein nahheat stroke na ko sa init ng binabyahe ko. But good news: It's my last day tomorrow and I am exempted from finals. Yup, I rule like that. \m/

6. Center for Pop Music summer lessons. Just so those of you who are reading this know, I AM TOTALLY MAKING A FOOL OUT OF MYSELF. Pero 10k yung binayad namin for this summer lesson. I just want to prove to some people that it was worth it I guess. And I'm worth it. :/

7. UP CRAdLe stuff which I am absolutely guilty of for not putting on top of my priorities.


8. A trip to Pangasinan for an outreach with my 2 younger brothers, my high school bestfriend, and a family friend. It was a really heart-warming experience. Games with the families of the farmers and a visit to an orphanage and a home for the aged. Perfect. :')

9. Org meeting's which is still last in my priority list. It's sad how the title of "CD Circle Chairperson" is still not sinking in.

10. STFAP Application. This is for my tuiton fee discount in UP. And pakshetnayan naka tatlong balik na ko at padami na ng padami ang aking requirements. Lahat ng pwedeng gawan ng affidavit, pinapagawan! Mapa-marital separation, fund raising activity, kulang na lang pati affidavit ng binibili kong candy araw-araw, pagawan nila.

11. Totally voted for the first time ya'll!! I ROCK! \m/ I'm a bit disappointed with the turnout of votes though. Especially because I was rooting for Gordon. And I wasn't really a NoyNoy fan (Kamukha niya talaga si Bart Simpson). But what has happened, has happened. There's no turning back now. I guess we just all have to stick with what's here and push each other to the top.



Lagpas dalawang oras ko na ginagawa to'ng entry na to'. May katelebabads kasi ako. Hahaha. Minsan lang to' guys. My first "gimik" for the summer, nagrounded pa ko hanggang pasukan dahil late ako umuwi. Not like I have the time to go out. Really. Well anyway, yun lang yun.

Siguro I just have to say how fun it's been going kasi sobrang busy ako't lahat and I love the people around me and I love the things I''m doing. But I'd also have to say that medyo may kulang din as to how I don't have anybody to share it with. My closest friends all busy and syempre, walang "somebody special" na mapagkkwentuhan ko ng lahat ng achievements ko and all that tapos pupuriin niya ko kahit di naman ako kapuripuri at papalamigin niya ulo kapag nasosobrahan na ko sa physical and mental and spiritual stress. I guess I just have me right now. But that's fine. After everything that happened last summer, I say this will full conviction: I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON. :D ;)

"Sometimes things aren't exactly how you always imagined.
They're even better."
-Daphne, What a Girl Wants

Happy FML Day.

Make-up class started at 8:30am.
8:10am - Got up, changed clothes, brushed teeth. No shower.
8:15am - Realized I lost my song lyrics so opened the computer to have a quick print, but printer wasn't installed yet because it was reformatted. Opened the old laptop which took 15mins to start up. Printed my lyrics.
8:30am - Ran to the main street to ride the jeep.
8:35am - Rode the jeep. Opened my wallet to pay. FOUND MY OLD LYRICS INSIDE.

Class ended at 10:25am.
10:25am - Called Dad to pick me up. No time to spare. Had Math class at 11am.
10:30am - Ran downstairs. Kept calling Dad.
10:40am - Dad still not there.
10:45am - Started walking. Dad found me.
10:50am - Change of clothes.
11:00am-11:15am - Trip to school.
11:15am-11:35am - TOKI ride.
11:40am - Went inside classroom. DIAGNOSTIC TEST. NOT GRADED.

Math class ended at 12:15nn.
Ado's Graduation starts at 1pm.
12:15pm-12:30pm - Walked to FC with Kaye.
12:30pm - Rode jeep to Philcoa.
12:45pm - Rode bus. No space, so stood all the way. I was wearing a dress.
1:00pm - Brother and Mother calls to tell me to ride the taxi to pick up necktie which was left at home.
1:05pm - Asks bus driver to bring me down. He stops in the middle of the road.
1:05pm-1:20pm - Tried to get a taxi right under the AWESOME SUN.
1:20pm - Finally got myself a taxi!! BROKEN AIR CONDITIONER.
1:50pm - Arrived at Sto. Domingo church.

With no breakfast and lunch, decided to have KFC.
(By this time wala na akong pake sa mga nangyayari sa'kin)
2:00pm - Ran to KFC, tripped right in front of the customers.
2:05pm - Ordered a Twister Meal. Twister was for 5mins.
2:15pm - No Twister yet. Drink ALL GONE.
2:25pm - Nomnomnom-ing my Twister..... SPILLED SAUCE ON MY DRESS.
2:30pm - ELECTRICITY WENT OUT.
2:40pm - Decided to go upstairs to wash my dress.. Upstairs was closed. So washed my dress in the bathroom downstairs. No mirror. Smelly. Yucky.
2:50pm - While scrubbing my dress, RANDOM PERSON OPENS DOOR. No lock.
3:00pm - Went back to the ceremony with a wet dress.

3:00pm-4:00pm - Long and hot graduation inside the church with no electricity.
4:30pm - Decided to eat out.
4:45pm - Stepped out the car. Stepped on wet plastic.
5:45pm - Went to Office Warehouse. Opened the door and TWISTED MY WRIST.
6pm - HOME FTW.
6:30pm-7pm - ♥ ♥ ♥


Yes, I know.
:)

Hell weeks turn Holy.

It's been quite a while now. Everything's just been so crazy lately. It's school. Yeah, school. Nothing else. I can't even explain what it did to me. It's like my whole world turned into this huge ball of STRESS. No sleep, no food intake, no social life, no nothing. Or yeah maybe. I kind of gained a few (or maybe more than that) zits.

When I say Hell weeks, I meant that literally. The heat + stress + mood of people around you make it a lot worse. But I'd have to say. You wouldn't know the difference between terrible and great if you haven't experienced both yet. So together with my weeks of doom, I had my awesome moments too.

There's the life changing Paramore Concert.

There's finally being a member of

UP CRAdLe (Children's Rights Advocates League).

And there's being elected as Chairperson of

UP CD Circle (Community Development Circle).

(Together with me the 2 other officers. Haha.)

I feel rather great for not killing myself after all these weeks. I went gaga all over, but hey, I'm still alive and kicking! Tama yung sinasabi nila. That if you just make yourself feel that you're happy, you will be. It worked for me. Although hindi nawala yung nababaliw ka na sa kakaisip because you feel that all your brain cells have vanished into thin air. It's just moments like these that I can finally say.... IT WAS ALL WORTH IT. (I wish. Kasi wala pang grades. Haha.)

So today, it's Maundy Thursday and it's the time I should start reflecting on all the blessings I've received recently. Holy Week never fails to make me feel a lot better. I think it's fate that my hell week ended yesterday. It's time to open up my heart again to that Somebody who's always been there for me.

Nothing more to say. Just maybe want to do a series of thank you's. First to UP Community Development Circle for giving me their trust. Nagulat ako sa results ng votes. Walang nag-abstain. I am stunned. I'm still a bit scared and all that, but I feel that maybe it's me and my organization's time to shine. It's time we prove some people wrong. Second, to UP CRAdLe and Rea for the warm-welcome and encouragement. And Lastly, to my mom and my friends who never stopped helping out. So para akong nagspeech? Feel na feel? Hahahaha! That's it.

My quote for the semester:

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at

you, then they fight you, then you win."

- Gandhi

The good in goodbye. When did it ever make sense?

My best friend left for Australia way back after high school graduation. I feel we've drifted apart. We still update each other of course. Exchanging of e-mails, facebook updates, etc. But it's never been the same. It's not the same without hanging out after school hours on the school benches or late-nights phone calls that take up hours. She'd admit that too, I'm pretty sure.

And tomorrow, another close friend of mine is leaving. Not for good, but for a pretty long time. Too long for a girl like me who counts on him to make me smile in times of stagnation.

Tomorrow, I'd be sitting beside someone else in class.

I'm happy for him for finally deciding to go. It's not everyday that you'd have to give up something you truly love for something you just feel you had to do, but you weren't so sure about it. I'm glad he made a choice.

Alam kong hate na hate niya ang pagiging mushy at emo ko, but I will just have to say all these. Mamimiss ko siya. Alam niya na yun kasi ilang beses ko na din sinabi sa kanya. Hindi ko siya best friend or boyfriend or anything. Friend. Nothing more, nothing less. That's the beauty of it. Bihira lang ang lalaking ganyan sa buhay ko. Maybe that's why I like being with him so much. Ang nakakatawa, hindi niya ako literal na tinutulungan sa mga problema ko, pero madalas sa kanya parin ako humihingi ng tulong. Wala siyang advice or hug, WALA. Ang palaging pang-lutas niya sa mga problema ko, joke na super corny, pick-up line, katangahan, or sariling kwento niya, hindi sapilitang advice. Syempre minsan nakakagago din kapag sobrang hagulgol ever na ko tas magpapatawa lang siya. Pero nakakatawa parin kahit nakakagago. Hahaha. Madami akong mamimiss for a year. Pick-up lines, FIC bonding, Cello's bonding, doodles during class, never-ending sermons, etc. Di ko din alam what's so special about him, but he's a really good friend that's kind of hard to let go. The boy/man na sobrang totoo, malapit kay Papa God, may paninindigan, matalino.... Mayabang, epal, feeling, chismoso, etc., is someone who makes me glad I got into UP. Kahit palagi niya akong inaaway at nilalait at kahit wala siyang pake minsan, I still love him and I'll miss him and his kulot hair.

Last Saturday we had dinner and when I got home, I realized that I've been so much into not letting him go because I'll miss him and I can't be all smiles without him. I didn't really think about him now did I? I thought about myself. So pano nga naman siya? Now, I can absolutely say that I'm glad he's going and I wish him all the luck. Same goes for my best friend.

It makes sense. We only part to meet again.

Roger, ingat sa Korea.

Mae, I miss you so.